Readers, don't be surprised I am sitting here at almost 4 in the morning because look at the precious gems I discover when checking email! My good friends, Beth and Joany, have sent me pieces they've written to post for the blog and I am glad to bring it to you, verbatim. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. If you ever have the need to express yourself in a semi-public-private way (because c'mon, it's just us here), please send me something. I'll gladly post it!
GUEST CONTRIBUTOR - BETH
Bittersweet chocolate
I had a premonition it was coming before I actually knew it. Like when your intuition or gut tells you something but you choose to brush if off as paranoia, like when see your own shadow behind you because the moon is making a reflection, startling you for a minute and you laugh it away but you still find your self looking over your shoulder. I could feel and sense that the change was coming even before I was ready to accept the situation. I tried not to see the changes in my girlfriend’s body language or the furrow in her eyebrows and her slightly lower eyes that were usually bigger especially when she clowned around doing her ghetto fabulous dance moves that always made me laugh in appreciation while I felt like a klutzy, white girl.
In the past few weeks she seemed to be burrowing more deeply in her orange pea coat, like she was protecting herself from the bullshit corporate politics, possible racism and doldrums while creating a cocoon around her in the same coat to keep in the things that make women survive. Protecting her inner dreams and hopes that cannot be destroyed by boredom, complacency or a disappointment in not hearing from a company she hoped to interview with. Surviving a corporate office where she never really belonged, which crushed her creativity, but she made the best of it always knowing she had the power to change it, to change her destiny. She gave me a gift, a gift that I can fly too. I have so much respect for this woman.
All the women in my life that lift me to a higher place that sometimes I just cannot see until they give me a boost so that I can see the beauty on the other side. Fearful that the other side will be barren until I place my feet into their palms as they heave me over the side and I roll, laughing and landing in plush grass and fragrant flowers. It’s an extraordinary gift in my opinion, which I hope to never take for granted that we all take turns giving each other a boost when we most need it. And there is always one of us on the side to catch us if we fall!
I have been feeling a shift in my own consciousness in which I made a decision to be willing to open myself up to the possibility of trusting that I am and will be taken care of. Taking a leap from fear to faith is a difficult one. But I know that I am being guided by my good friends and I certainly trust and learn from them. I have sense of peace recently that I used to struggle with constantly. But how can I live with such uncertainly when I am surrounded by women of integrity, kindness and love. So instead of making this a pity party for myself which I could easily do knowing that I will not have Lucy there everyday to listen to my pessimism (and foul mouth), I embrace and honor her friendship as all my friends. I have faith that Lucy will find and get just what she needs allowing her to write and be creative which gives me the courage to write as well and not be afraid to share my own ideas while knowing that my feelings of vulnerability are safe.
Even though she will no longer be my partner in crime at work, I’ll be sure to see her down at kickboxing (an easy guess) and swing that fucking stick at her while she gracefully twists it out my hand and turns my arm into a pretzel. Oh you know you have it coming–a couple of right round houses to your leg–but no fair hitting me with the stick until my shoulder comes out of the sling. Seriously sista I will selfishly miss you. You made the grind and monotony of work a little more tolerable. By the way, does this mean no more fat free scones from Peets and who the fuck am I going to kick under the table during those snoozing meeting? Oh Lucy – will I ever get my Hot Sex book back from you now? I’ll trade you for The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe! Hey Sister, thanks for holding my hand so many times when I was afraid to walk alone. XOXO Beth
GUEST CONTRIBUTOR – JOANY
Olympian
After work today I went for a run from my house, up wildwood road to the piedmont high school track. It’s one of the nicest tracks in the bay area. Several top athletes train there and tonight Regina Jacobs was finishing her work out about the time that I got there. She's a tiny thing (I’m 5’9” and 150 #, most women are tiny in comparison to me) and moves like a wave on the ocean, as though the sole purpose of the earth's creation was for her to run on it. The stadium lights were thankfully turned off tonight lest I be even more humiliated with full exposure. It was safe to run because there was light cast from the parking lot and street lights and several other people were on the track. Yet, there was also a feeling of seclusion and anonymity because of the way the darkness eliminated the details of individual features. So I fantasized that I could pass for Regina Jacobs, albeit a little slower, until someone got close enough to see the details. Who’s gonna notice a five - inch and 50 - pound discrepancy on a night like tonight?
As I was lollygagging and slogging along on my next to last lap, I heard "coming behind you". My reaction was to look over my right shoulder, which meant that I veered into the left lane. Again, she said "behind you", as she then passed me on the left as though I was a power bar moving through your colon.
It’s reminiscent of the time in 1994 that I shook the hand of Mohammed Ali or recently when I said hi and shook hands with Andre Ward. They’ll never remember me amidst the hoards of people they meet in their lives, but they’re athletes, and I’ve admired and honored athletes my whole life. I love their bodies and respect them because of the discipline and training that it took to get where they are in their individual sports. Tonight, my excitement was that I was passed by Regina Jacobs. I’m thinking, “She only lapped me twice in my three miles here. Of course, it's nearly pitch black and she's probably been here for XX hours already. But hey! She knows a challenge when she sees one.” Oy vey! I guess that’s what’s kept me going all these years: the hope and desire to be an Olympian, if only in my mind.
