I'll Have Beef with a Side Order of Chicken & a Garnish of Pork

It’s the week before Thanksgiving and it’s a beautiful, warm November night in Oakland. I’m making my way down the hill to meet the girls (and their boys) for dinner at a Thai place I’ve never been to before—Bangkok Palace. I laugh out loud when I think of my S.O.’s never-ending quest for “The Perfect Thai Sausage” and wonder if this place will be a contender. With the exception of Margaret, who I see a few times at week at kickboxing class, my visits with these ladies have regrettably been less frequent in the last few months. Our regularly scheduled girls’ night out has, for at least this night, morphed into a girls, Significant Others and kids’ night out.

We order a slew of food—papaya salad, spring rolls, scallops with chilis, pad thai, a few vegetable and tofu dishes. Grilled chicken for the meat eaters (okay…for me) and brown rice. Brown rice? Man, I miss eating clean and healthy. Last night, my S.O. and I went out for Chinese and had two dishes that were that were so battered, deep-fried and sauced up, they were beyond identification. Cod nuggets and chicken were my guess but my S.O. thought he tasted bits of pork and catfish chunks. Lordy.

But tonight, I was in the company of ovo-lacto vegetarians, lacto vegetarians and a few who’ve even experimented with veganism. And then there was me...a life-long lover of swine and all manner of hooved and cloven creatures. If left to my own devices, I could survive in a cave, very happily, on a diet of low-fat cottage, strawberries and walnuts, provided you throw in an occasional pork rib or chicken leg, for good measure. I’m a carnivore to the bone, albeit a carnivore with ovo-lacto vegetarian tendencies. On one occasion, while speaking to my S.O. on subject of favorite foods, I discovered that his favorite food was meat.

“Meat?”
“Yes, meat.”
“What, you mean, like filet mignon or new york strip? Or a nice pork roast or barbecued ribs?”
“Uh…yes, yes, yes…and aawww yes.” Sheesh...I thought. He must have the hardest working colon in the business. The James Brown of the colon world.

As I was reaching for the last half of the tofu spring roll and spearing another perfectly sautéed forkful of green beans and cabbage, I suddenly realized how much I’ve missed the once prevalent presence of vegetables from my diet. Despite the fact that eggplant is utterly devoid of any nutritional value, I still loved its soft texture and smoky flavor, especially in tonight’s incarnation, accompanied with tofu and basil. Though the fish sauce and Thais chilis, in fact, everything that makes it Thai, was virtually nonexistent, the papaya salad, sweet and tangy and peanutty, actually woke up my mouth from its freshness! I am not lying.

No, there’ll be no Thai sausage on the dinner menu tonight…but I—and my colon—thank you.